Sweet lie or Hard truth?

We are confronted with the choice time and again in a civilized environment. There are always things that we do not want talk about. Lets say a very boring relative calls me up - I have to ask him how he is doing though I have no interest in his wellbeing and I have to laugh for his "jokes".

That part is simple because it is just a temporary mask - or is it? Where does the mask end and "the real you" begins. The way I see it, its much like onions, we have different masks for different people and most probably there is nothing inside.

Assuming that everything discussed so far is reasonably accurate, the next obvious question is what is there in the inner most level of the onion? Cant it be the real you? My best bet is the inner most layer in the onion is just a set of believes held so close to you that you cannot live without them. It just represents one of the stereotypical images at the heart.

In a nutshell, we are all stereotypes of one type or the other and we lie to ourselves about it by forming more and more layers around the fundamental.

Motivation

I woke up at 5:30 PM today evening after sleeping at 4 AM in the morning - a good 13.5 hrs sleep. I woke up twice in between at 10:33 AM and 12:15 PM and chose to go back to sleep because ... ?

The reason I went back to sleep is that I knew that there is no one out there that will know and feel my absence - in other words - anything that I would have done would have been so inconsequential that I figured out that they are worthless in mid-sleep. In essence I have been jobless for yet another day.

What happened to the fire inside me - assuming there is one still left? Have I been fueling it well enough? Have I given it a reason to glow? Or have I let the system-of-things-I-don't-particularly-like and the inertia-of-inaction give in to my fundamental spirit?

Its true that given a deadline I would not have been this lethargic - but shouldn't all motivation be self-motivation? Shouldn't I command myself instead of subjecting myself to a system which commands me to work? Do I have to loose free-will and subject myself to the system-of-things and run inside the system to ensure that I don't choose inaction out of lack of self-motivation?

Ok - Enough work done - I am getting back to sleep :)

Hello Stranger!

If you are extremely calculative and overly analytical and if you start to guess (and assume) the exact reasons why your friends are actually friends with you, you would realize that most of them have ulterior motives to maintain your friendship. Or, if you have some good friends, you may realize that those people are not friends with you for any particular reason(s). There is a strange sense of satisfaction that is derived from the fact that reasons for those friendships cannot be trivially articulated. This of course is a mere difficulty in expression probably due to lack of development of enough words for all possible emotions in literature and cannot be attributed to the "quality" of the friendship. But it can be safely argued that best friends usually belong to this inexplicable category.

We have a vague notion of differentiating friends from best friends using the limits of language and expression abilities. But this theory, even assuming is 100% true is not worth a penny. There is one more simple succinct theory on friendship (rather acquaintanceship) based on communication that will be worth a life times learning - which most people already know, but face great difficulty implementing. "If you need friends, you need to listen!" Seems trivial and easy but its not (at least to me).

Today I had to make a simple conversation asking for a small (probably useless) gift for a friend from a stranger. I was bold enough to initiate the conversation ( I am very happy about it!) but was so embarrassed in the middle of the conversation that I didn't actually realize the fact that the female said something synonymous to "yes- u can have it". In essence , I asked for something from a stranger for which she said yes (in spite of my record poor communication skills) and I didn't register that yes (probably assuming pessimistically a NO!) and walked away like(?) a total fool.

Irksome

Guess what! I found my super power.

I can irritate anyone in this world without even knowing what I am doing. I am kind of happy about this super power but for the simple fact that I cannot control my powers.. the same problem that many heroes have in the not-so-stupid serial "heroes".

I wish I am totally senseless so that I don't care about the damage that I create, thereby there will be nothing to live with or think about. If thats not possible, I wish I am totally sensible never doing the irksome things that I do. But if the later happens, I will have to be dumb for the most part of my life! I talk so much that sooner or later I will have to offend someone. I have been talking talking for so long that I really do not know what will become of my if I don't talk.

In conclusion, be warned about my super power!

hi 08

Lets welcome another set of 365 days of existence. Before I can realize 2 of them are already gone. I don't remember doing anything other than eating and sleeping in the first 2 days of this year. Its tempting to wish to spend my entire life with this level of laziness.

What do I expect from this new year? I want to surprised and excited about something this year.this shouldn't be just another year that I will forget.this should be a terrifying and fun experience.

Now that the requirement is clear what are the things that I am going to do to make sure that this year catches me of balance and keeps me interested in this game of life? I have no answers for that question. I am inherently so lazy and uninteresting that I am getting bored of myself.. I am becoming too predicable.. How to make myself more interesting?

Some one said "It takes 100 years for a person to be bored of himself".. why is this estimate wrong?

1 sem in Retrospect

Most of the things a human does are just imitation of things that are happening around him/her. One of the most important subconscious factors for me traveling from Ambattur to America, was that 50% of my friends back home did that.

But the more important reason is to explore the horizons of my knowledge.. it is not just tat.. for some stupid reason I believe myself to be capable of expanding the horizon of mankind's knowledge about stuff.. Though the very thought of doing something that great is too cool.. am i really up for it?

I have decent grades, a job , an assistantship and a bunch of good friends. What more can I ask for? I want to study the subject for its own sake and not for the sake of grades.. which I do not do.. I want to do "something great" with life.. just dono wat!!

And there is this eternal loneliness that I am destined to feel within myself till death comes and frees me.

Love: The apprisal

Love is a an interesting thing...

it wouldn't be an overstatement to call it the most interesting and exciting thing in life..

Everything about love is pure and gr8 - just like being repeatedly described and exaggerated in the movies.

There is one downside of it - THE STARTING PROBLEM. Love like parental love, or brotherly love is generally always there (at least in my case :) ). Since the family love is always there - it is not that exciting and it does not have the starting problem! But the love in the context of lovers has this starting problem.

Its the ultimate appraisal.

I hate appraisals coz it has to judge at least one of the team mates as a loser, which can end up subjective to a great degree.

To prepare to tell a love is much like preparing for the ultimate Appraisal - The most common complaint about appraisal is "IT IS TOO SUBJECTIVE" - But in the case of decision about a lover, the subjective nature is inherent and cannot be complained about!

This problem is engulfed in a web of so many other issues like ego,fear that it doesn't surface that easily.

But without all theses problems the process of love will be so mechanical that it will not be exciting.. In other words, only when u r ready to risk it all - can u reach the fruit of being Happily ever after .. or ?